please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
