Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
