so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
