Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
