if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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