1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
