Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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