I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
