You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
