there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
