She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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