my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
