At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
