I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
COCAINE IS GR8
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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