I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize