I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
