In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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