Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
