this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
do nipples grow back?
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