He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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