I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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