It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
