he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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