Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
