I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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