my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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