Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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