I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
