So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
