how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
