So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
