piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
