I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
