i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
