I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
