I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
