the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
