SEEEEXXX PLEASE
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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