no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
