The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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