if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Randomize
