I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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