she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
pray to the hookup gods
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
