i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
