Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize