remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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