When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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