I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize