Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
God I need to hump something, right now.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
