I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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