So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i've created a new STD.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize