I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
His nipple licking is glorious
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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