either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
