I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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