now i know why i became what i already was.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
