The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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