I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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