The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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