Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
