He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
