i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
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