i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
