he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
