i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
