I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize