This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
