can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
