Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
