i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
