no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
