NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
