Im at strip club and am horny
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
