apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
