false alarm. still invincible.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
