I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
