I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
