anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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