dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
