Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
