That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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