I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
