No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
