is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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