I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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