Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
