two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
