It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
