shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
