The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
