I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize