so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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