therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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