My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
