is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
lets start a swedish sibling band together
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
