This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
