If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
