You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Four minutes until I can fart!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
