Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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