Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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